When you pass a certain age, maybe it’s different for everyone, maybe it’s after motherhood or marriage or some life-altering mile marker, whenever it is, women go through “the change.” I’m not talking about anything hormonal, maybe I am and don’t know it, but I’m talking about when girls stop looking at the other guys primarily, and we all start obsessing about other girls. Maybe it’s when you’ve found your man, maybe it’s some point in your life when you encountering a major insecurity. The starting point is not the issue de jour. Here’s my story:
I was going to this new program at a friend’s church for young mothers. Really, the poster made it sound like a support group, and let’s face it, Leci, you need corral all the support you can get. So, friend and I had just signed up her two-year-old for the child care, when in walked an old friend of mine from college – make-up not just on which is what I claim most days, but all in the right place, hair done in a cute bob, cute outfit with a skirt, three-inch bronze heels, and two blonde-haired boys one about a year older than the other dressed to match pushing a double stroller. Oh, and the kicker… she’s about six months pregnant.
She’s wearing a huge smile – still as sweet as she was in college apparently – asks me how I am, tells me that she heard I was coming, and she’s really glad to see me – do I have girls or boys?
I probably looked like I had just seen an alien because I know my mouth was open and I eeked out something about having one 14 month old little girl. What’s the age difference in yours? Oh, he’s two-and-a-half, his brother is 14 months… We said goodbye while she made a double-wide turn with the stroller and friend and I started towards the elevator.
My comparison had already begun. I just don’t understand. She’s here. early. dressed. kids dressed. pregnant. energetic. matching. IN THREE INCH HEELS! My mind is reeling. what kind of a woman is she? How can it be done? If she can do that then so could I. Right? Leci, don’t kid yourself. If she can do that, then you should have way more extra energy than you do. She has two and one on the way. You have one that’s really not that difficult. Why would you ever have a hard day? Maybe you should rethink more kids if this one is difficult. You know it’s not going to be any easier.
You know I fought with myself for 2 days at least. I just couldn’t understand it. Her looking like she handles it so well, makes me feel so inadequate. This should not be hard for me. Why is it hard? For real, some days are hard.
Well, that was Monday, and Wednesday morning I go to a Bible study at my church where we are studying Beth Moore’s “A Woman’s Heart.” She taught the video lesson on manna and how God’s grace is sufficient for whatever you are going through. But she said have you ever had a friend going through something and you think, “God, I could never go through this. Seriously, Please do not let this happen to me because I wouldn’t make it. I couldn’t handle that God. Please spare me from that.” She said that she went through a friend losing a child and that’s how she felt. However, her friend handled it with such grace. And this is what she learned from God at that point. God said to her, “No, right now you couldn’t handle it. I have given her my grace that is sufficient for her in her trial. But I haven’t given you the same amount of grace. I have given you enough for your own situations. You will always have sufficient grace if you have faith in Me.”
This really took my fears away when I heard this. I don’t have her situation. I am not supposed to be able to handle what other people are going through. I am not riding the mommy short bus! God has given me sufficient grace to handle what I have right NOW. That’s all I need. When He gives me more to handle, I can count on more grace to be available and renewed every morning. Good news to me.
I’ve promised a very special person a photo a day for as long as they are away. So, here it is. Photo of the day
5 Comments
October 17, 2007 at 12:47 pm
Lacey, you speak much truth. I love it–Mommy Short Bus! And I can totally relate to what you’re saying. Women who seem so put together with their hair, outfit, shoes, and well-dressed kids…it’s hard not to compare how you measure up.
But also, does any part of you ever think it’s all just a scam? Like, these women are overcompensating for something? I don’t know. I guess if that’s who they really are then, hurrah for them–and maybe getting dressed up makes them feel better and have better attitudes. But, I still have to wonder if they’re hiding underlying insecurities.
Anyway Lacey–thanks for your honesty. As my good friend Jenny always reminds me, “Be free!”
October 17, 2007 at 12:53 pm
Thanks, Nikki – I’m sure most of the ones I see are definitely a scam. But I’ve got to hand it to them – just being early, made up, and present with matching children alive and in-hand takes some sort of something my always late, jogging suit and tennis shoes self doesn’t have alot of days. I’m not one who likes fakers, but I honestly have to salute a pregnant mom of two toddlers who’s dressed and on time. I’ve learned to just go ahead and know that everyone – no matter how high their heels are – has insecurities – Some of us are just more okay with people knowing than others, I guess -
October 17, 2007 at 1:20 pm
Right you are again, Lacey. Man, you are on it today! Well, I loved your post so much I just blogged about it myself. Or, rather, you blogged about it again on my blog…anyway–you’re awesome is what I’m trying to say!
October 17, 2007 at 1:52 pm
Lacey– I love you! This entry reminds me of why you TOTALLY we my favorite, even though you scared me! Thanks for your fabulous reminder of God’s grace for each of our paths.
October 18, 2007 at 11:30 pm
Oh, such an encouragement to me today! Earlier I cried because I can’t seem to get all of my house clean at the same time. I just want one day where everything is clean and in its place just to remind me of what that kind of house looks like…you know I grew up in that house, so I expect to continue to live in such a pristine place.
Also, I am the exhausted pregnant woman of only one who tries to sneak in 2 naps a day and only wears flats unless I’m going to church. Perky, on time, and heels I am not! Sleepy, asleep and not coming, and flat is what I am!