the most inspiring quote of the day

I can hear the grin through the phone. “Don’t worry. Nobody’s gonna high-pressure-sales me into missions…. God did that already a long time ago.”

I’m so proud of you, little sister; it makes me teary to type this. You inspire me, Nik-Nik.

behind the bacon

So I’m in Wal-mart the other day. I live there. Seriously, I think I could get mail there, and they would hold it for me. That’s how often I am in that circus. So anyway, I am making the whatever number trip that week, this time babyless, so of course, I had on a dry-clean only cute dress because that’s what you do when you have a babysitter. You dress up for Walmart. The point – I approved of my outfit which is one thing that sort of comes less and less often when you’re dealing with one year olds and anything edible. But I digress. I was shopping for everything I had forgotten when I had gone the day before, and I was sort of in a rush. The babysitter wasn’t going to stay forever – and I was trying to squeeze a 20 minute trip to the Madison-Mom Black-Hole aka Wally-World in 10 minutes. I get to the checkout counter and unload all of my 15 or so items onto the conveyor belt.

This is the part where I switch personalities, but first you should know this. I was once in a high pressure, fast pace sales management position with a medical equipment company here in town. I breathed sales. I loved it, and I was great at it. This is for another blog altogether, but many precious things in my life suffered for it, and much of the memory of that company is infected with the scars of bad consequences in my life that I paid for working there.

One specific incident: I was very close to the owner of the company, and she backed me 100%. Many of her relatives worked for her also, but it didn’t matter who was challenging me – she had my back. I was managing her company. It needed to be that way. One day, a relative of the owner broke a rule that I had set for office employees regarding the sales representatives and their referral sources. I confronted the girl, and she proceeded to shout curses at me that would make a sailor blush in the middle of the company. She was fully aware that the second she did this it would cost her her job, but she was a fighter and obviously full of some major resentment.

I don’t remember the words she said to me that day. I remember that she dropped the f-bomb here and there, but that’s all I remember. I DO remember how I was shaking in shock, frustration, anger, and embarrassment in front of an entire office that I was supposed to be running at age 23. I was so MAD at her. She left the office that day, and I didn’t see her back in there until months later. She was friendly, and everything seemed to be easy. No games. No fakeness. Normal.

Jump to 2 years later in Walmart, and look behind the bacon. There I am. Dryclean only feelin all cute dress and all. I had just put all of my items onto the checkout counter when for some reason my checker lady says absolutely nothing, acts as if she never saw me spins, around on her heels, turns off her number and walks away. Seriously, I had just put 15 items onto her counter. Odd… So Here I am standing by myself in the line, when I see sailormouth girl in the lane next to me. She is getting her receipt back and is about to be standing about 24 inches from my cart.

I am generally a confident girl – not too easily intimidated; I love a challenge; I love meeting people; and I love to see how life develops. I wouldn’t call myself a turtle. I don’t hide too much. I have lots of other major issues, but too much time in my shell just doesn’t happen to top my list. Apparently, sailormouth girl was going to be proving me wrong for the day, because upon laying my eyes on her, I was in a four walled room with nowhere to hide. 

I searched my buggy and the counter for something large that I could be loading one way or the other. I had about 2.2 seconds for the wide-right buggy turn and she would be at a 90 degree angle with my face. The biggest thing there was the pack of Oscar Meyer, so I went for it. I now had a pack of bacon in front of my face like I was packing ice on a wound from a left hook. With my other hand, I furiously loaded things back into my cart from my checkerladyless aisle.

I was consciously humiliating myself in front of myself. Not fun. Sailormouth girl paused in front of my cart, and I don’t know of she was just regrouping her kids or if she was seriously trying to figure out if the half-face of mine she could see was really mine and why in the HELL (cuz she’s a sailormouth) is the other half of her face behind that pack of bacon? I’m not a sailormouth, and that’s what I was thinking…. 

I was mad at myself for the rest of the day….

The changing of the pants

I am convinced that if you would like to travel back in time and see a man as a four year old little boy, all you need to do is pay attention to him when he first wakes up in the morning. There he is. He is exactly the same as he was decades ago, just a little larger with a little more scruffiness.

My four year old morning husband happens to be adorable… and hilarious. Brad cannot wake up quickly – every morning he turns to his right side, stares out the window for at least 4 minutes, says nothing, and trys to figure out how to move his feet. Then he gets up, waddles into the bathroom, then to the shower, and so on with his day….

The funniest thing about this process is that it is in this 30 or so minutes that most of his quirks exist. One that makes me laugh and pull my hair out is the fact that he absolutely ABHORS changing clothes. Once he has made the committment to a pair of pants, shirt, socks, belt, etc… that’s it. There is no going back. He is perfectly willing to wear whatever I suggest for him, as long as I do NOT change my mind.

 Weeellll… If you know me, you also know that I always and regularly DO change my mind. I tell you all of the aforementioned information to let you fully understand the dynamic of the bathroom conversation between a wife and her hilarious four year old morning husband:

What shirt do you want me to wear?
Ummm – how about the green one?
(put’s green shirt on, buttons pants, all set)
Hey Brad, you can’t wear those pants -…
(stops me mid sentence) WHY???
Because they have the little zigzags from the hanger!
THEY WILL BE GONE BEFORE I WALK OUT THE DOOR!!
No they won’t – it takes alot longer than that for those wrinkles to fall out – seriously you have to change your pants
LACEY – DO I EVER HAVE ZIGZAGS WHEN I COME HOME? NO. THAT’S BECAUSE THEY FELL OUT.
Brad – it looks like you didn’t iron your clothes.
I NEVER IRON MY CLOTHES!
Well, you can’t wear those pants. Here – wear these.
AHHHH! Those are dark brown. Are you sure they match?
yes. I’m sure they match. And they don’t have zigzags. Wear these.
(puts on the pants and tucks in his shirt)
These are winter clothes. They look winter. Do I have to have darker socks for these? I don’t think I have dark socks for these pants.
(lacey looks in the drawer) Oh, you’re right. You don’t have dark socks clean. Okay, well then you’ll have to wear these pants. (holds up another pair.)
I DON’T DO THE CHANGING OF THE PANTS!!!
(Lacey is laughing hard now)
Well… you are going to have to do the changing of the pants today, Brad. You have to wear pants.
Okay, give me those pants, but I don’t care what’s wrong with these. I’m wearing them.
There’s nothing wrong with those – you look great.

(Sigh) This has just been 10 minutes of Foolishness, Leci!
(Lacey laughing) Okay, have a great day! Oh, and just so you know, I can’t WAIT to blog this - YOU are hilarious! (and with that, my four year old morning husband grabs his coffee, tells me he loves me, grabs his things, and heads off to work)

Me, Michael Jackson, and my migraine

Actually, all three were never in the same place at the same time. Shortly after I posted last, I was text-bombing Brad’s cellphone because that’s what I do when I’m excited and want to sing an entire song to him while he’s at work. So I sang-texted him “The way you make me feel” because that’s my favorite MJ song. I lined up my babysitter, and I was getting dressed up in my so-cute clubbin outfit, when I entered the seventh circle of hell.  (that’s the one with migraines) I hate going there. I never get to choose when I go there, which also sucks. I begin pill popping as fast as I can, but my efforts are futile. I begin to wilt in the big living room chair when Brad pulls out his most convincing arguments, none of which come even close to getting me to look up. I’m sorry, but loud bass, and skull cracking headaches are not friends. Brad says, “But maybe when you get there you’ll forget all about it!” I looked at him with a completely straight face and seriously tried to muster every ounce of wit I had left, but I couldn’t come up with anything that could point out how completely assenine that idea really was. He was serious. Did I mention that?

So we didn’t make it. I went to bed at 8:30 with pillows crammed in my ears. But the Michael Jackson Impersonator Band “Who’s Bad” – I think  I called them “Beat It” or something by mistake – will be back in September. And assuming all of my mental capacities are in order, I will be making an appearance to see the fake kings of pop.

me, the oracle, and michael jackson impersonators

well, well… All of my stars were alligned this morning, and once again, I stole someone else’s appointment to the Oracle. (click here to read about the original theft experience).

As always, it was enlightening, refreshing, and mind-sorting. If you’ve never seen a counselor/therapist/shrink/”oracle”/ couch doctor/ guru/ headpeeper/ headshrinker/ nut doctor/psychologist/ psychoanalyst/ psychotherapist etc…. (not to say that anyone reading this is a nut, psycho, or has a large head by any means – that’s just what some people call them – Go ahead and put your defenses down, people) let me tell you what it’s like. Basically while driving there, you pick up all of your spare puzzle pieces that don’t quite fit together and square pegs that you’ve been trying to fit into round holes and save them for just the right moment and then BLAAAAAGGHHH. You spit them all over the guy. Sometime’s there’s tears. Sometimes you fake it and pretend to have your entire puzzle completed and all pegs in proper shaped holes. But let’s face it, folks. Anyone who thinks that just needs therapy a little worse than the rest of us. Anyway, after he/she’s convinced you to spit it out, they help you pick it up and sort all of the puzzle pieces and show you which pegs go into which holes. It’s great. Try it some time. I’ll give you a card. I’ll even wrap it up in a bow, just because it’s from me. But that’s a previous post.

So about the stolen appointment. I had been confused about some of my life-puzzle pieces for a while. Especially some of my Brad-shaped ones. Some of them weren’t fitting, and I was beginning to feel discouraged.

Now let me take a moment and issue a minor rant to the world. For all of you in sludgy marriages who tell the rest of us that the sludge is “normal… Get used to it… That’s what marriages do – they get dull and sludgy – just learn to take up tennis or something…” For all of you, I’d like to kindly and in the most polite way possible ask you to PLEASE SHUT YOUR MOUTHS! Marriages are intended since the beginning of time to grow. Growth! That is the goal. Not a suitable distraction. If you’d like to know more about de-sludging your marriage – like I said, I have a card.

So anyway, I talked all about what I was craving, what I was missing, and how could Brad and I get on the same page. We talked about some things I was already doing, and then he told me some things I could add to it. Here’s a list of some things that I’m already doing and some things that I plan to do.

The Anti-Sludge:
1. Every day I try to have the house de-cluttered – I did not say all the way clean – by the time Brad comes home. A 5 minute clean-up usually takes care of that. Then I turn off all overhead lighting, lamps only if you have them, light a kitchen candle, and turn on my favorite music – the best of Sinatra. This way, mentally I begin to associate this relaxing, welcoming mood to Brad’s coming home. Immediately, Brad comes into a peaceful, homey room. I’m not saying spread rose-petals on the floor every day or anything. I usually have dinner on the stove too. Just be conscious of the mood you’ve set for your spouse when they come home from work, and set it on purpose.

2. I feel like Brad and I have a few specific conversation topics, and every day after work, at dinner, and again before bed, we spin the wheel and see which one we’re going to talk about this time. It rotates from his job, to jane bradley’s latest, to his family, to my family, to my philanthropic endeavors. Basically in most all of those things, with exception to Jane Bradley, only one of us is part of and the other one just listens about it. Neither one of us share the same experience. That’s so about to change. I have planned an activity for Brad and I tonight and I am thrilled about it. I haven’t posted this yet because I’ve tried to seem cool up till now, and only a handful of people who knew me in college know this about me. I have this closet obsession with 80’s pre-identity-crisis Michael Jackson. “The way you make me feel” is one of my favorite songs, and I love the moonwalk, the tip-toe stand, and the one-hand glove, AND the hat! Okay, so now that I’m out of the closet, I have to tell you that TONIGHT at Mugshots in Jackson, is the Michael Jackson “Beat It” Cover Band! Oh yes. We are going. Originally we had thought not because of budget reasons, but I’ve bartered some of my planning skills for a little babysitting time with my gorgeous, super-fun, oh-so-smart, and gloriously talented sister. (That enough brown nosing, Nik? I guess you already know that I am appreciative).

Basically the point is, make yourselves share something hopefully out of the house. I do have another one that we’re starting soon, but I can’t tell you because then I’d have to kill you. and yes I mean the entire internet world. We would probably miss all billion and a half of you, so I’ll just stick to not telling you. For Real, it’s a secret suprise.

3. Lastly, and most seriously, I’ve never thought of it this way, but loving your spouse – the action verb love – is more than a privilage, or fuzzy feeling you get, or something you do when you get the chance. Loving your spouse IN THEIR LOVE LANGUAGE is also your responsibility. You VOWED to do it. Usually the language you are hoping for is the one that is the hardest for them to give because it is the least natural. That’s because you most likely, probably, and hopefully married your complement. You are weak where they are strong. and vise versa. So you two need to decide how it’s going to be done and do it. For me, I am receiving gifts (one of the five love languages). So the suggestion was once a month, for Brad to have suprise Fridays and plan the date entirely. Down to booking the babysitter. Suprises are my favorite things – they fill my “love tank” sooo well. (I know I sound ridiculous, but you really need to read this book). For Brad, who is “words of affirmation”, I am to do just that – he needs to feel affirmed and validated by me. So I will. On purpose.

 This is good advice. I truly believe that this is the road to growth. Let me say also, that by sludge, I do not mean comfort. Comfort is good and can have a sweetness to it in which you truly cherish your other half. But never is stodgy, sludgy, stale, bitter, dull, or boring actually comfortable. You may have to go through a difficult process of filing off the parts of the puzzle pieces that don’t fit, but once you get there, I believe that will be comfortable.

Just don’t decide to quit playing the marriage puzzle. Grow.

So, what’s been going on with you?

Well, not much, really. On the other hand… a whole lot. I guess I’ll give you the low-down on the update.

Alexis aka. the girl from the park – She’s doing great. Her uncle put her in a preschool near their house, and she goes from 8 – 4 every day. The only sad part is that it sort of puts a damper on her availability to ME. That’s where the news that everyone’s life doesn’t revolve around me any more. So sad, but Jane Bradley took my spot. Anyway, Alexis loves her school; I’m glad she has some consistency in her life; and I am picking her up tonight to take her to the hot air balloon glow that they have every Fourth of July.

MadCAAP – I have been working my bum off for the past 2 months on the MadCAAP summer projects and have really felt like I was accomplishing something. Last week, a youth group from Wisconsin came down to Canton and began construction on a Krista’s Cottage which is MadCAAP’s version of a Habitat House. They build these cottages for people who are trying to break the cycle of poverty in their family. It was great because the Wisconsin people raised the $30,000 needed to build it. Amazing group – I got to meet them, and they are really inspiring. This week, another group from Jackson is finishing the cottage up. The new owner is a mother of 4 kids who has kept them all in school and also takes care of her elderly mother while finishing up her own degree in medical assistance. Amazing lady, she’s really making a difference for her kids – Her name is Patricia.

So 3 weeks ago I was trying to raise money for the appliances that go in the house. After that, I designed the new logo, stationary, business cards, and brochure. Then I started sending out press releases to the media. That was fun. Now, I’m working on planning the open house for the community to come see the new Cottage. There are alot of needs for this still, so if you think you might be interested in helping out with any part of it or know someone who is, you can leave me a comment. I’ll probably post the needs list soon so people can see if they would be interested in contributing. More about MadCAAP – stay tuned.

Hey, I’ve made some lifestyle changes that I am liking. Brad and I are getting up early every day and while he goes to do his Bible study on the back porch, I take a shower. That way, I can use Jane Bradley’s morning nap to do mine. The situation is that if one of us doesn’t budge, then we’re both sleeping in. So we have to get up. Actually, it has been making my day flow much better.

Also, I have decided on a good piece of advice: Don’t go to bed with anger in your heart, dishes in your sink, or clothes in your washing machine. If you take care of all of these things before bed, your next morning will be so much better.

So, that’s all folks. Everything else is just gravy.

THIS totally changed my life…

This is my big commercial break where I tell you all of the products that I love, absolutely could not live without, and how my life is so much better since discovery. I’ve decided to do this in true “what’s behind door number one” fashion. Let me know what you think and what you have that you can’t or wouldn’t want to live without.

1. I would only go back to Junior High with one of these. I had the an afro-sized problem in elementary, somewhat large in high-school, and medium sized in college. Then… after I broke down and swallowed the fact that the cheap ones at wal-mart are crap (even if they claim they are real, they’re not), and I can keep buying them over and over if I want to throw my money away, I made the committment and a purchase. Now, I look lovely. Here it is.

2. My hugest insecurity of my life has been my skin. If I could have found a way to buy a new face or a mask to cover up my broken out one I would have traded in my right arm for it. I felt like Rudolph with multiple noses most of my life. I tried everything -  nothing worked. Ever…. It got worse when I went to college and never slept. A few years ago, I found this. I’ve been a happy camper ever since. Get the generic. It’s cheaper.

3. Okay, seriously.. this one I LOVE. I went through a difficult time in college and stumbled (or was Led, I should say) to this study. Then I did another one. Now, I am going to do them as long as they are written. It will change your life. Be careful, this one’s powerful stuff. Disclaimer: You may find yourself letting people know you much closer after this. Be prepared.

4. Here is one of my old favorites. I hate to clean my floors. I feel like I should be scrubbing them all the time with a baby and puppies and a boy and all, but I really hate it. I got this, and it has made all of that much easier. Love it.

5. SUPER IDEA… If you haven’t gotten this and this, you need to get one. Put them in your buggy with #4 next time you’re at Wal-mart. Count your sinks in your house. Then buy a pair for each one. Bathroom/Kitchen cleaning made easy.

6. Okay, you already know I’m attracted to EASY. Never wrestle a crib mattress again. Get this insanity saver and, save your time. I wouldn’t have a kid without one of these.

7. This is my little splurge I made back when I had a job and made my own blow money. Now that I have them, I wouldn’t ever buy another brand. The world just looks so much prettier through these. Didn’t really change my life as much as the others, but a little luxury is sometimes nice.

8. This is my favorite store on the planet. The real deal – Quality product AND affordable. I haven’t really found it FOR REAL anywhere else. Sad thing is they don’t have one in the southeast, and they don’t sell online or catalog to my knowledge. So unless you buy a plane ticket or live in a town besides mine, you’re outta luck. Sad.

9. Okay, hasn’t changed my life, but this is my favorite food. Pair it with a glass of wine, and I think I would do almost anything for it…. I said almost.

10. Last one. These are my favorite books. HONESTLY, they WILL change your life. One. Two. Three.

Genius Update

If you go back several posts, you will find the one where I declared myself a genius…. “Freakin’ genius”, to quote myself exactly. I was talking about how everybody has a love language… (Even if you don’t want to admit it, you do… Even if you think that’s gay… you still have one.) Anyway, my idea was to skip the interviews and everybody wear a bracelet like the Livestrong bracelets except these would be color coded to your love language. And everybody in the world would have one. And everybody in the world would wear it every day. And everybody in the world would like it… Ideally….

So, I just wanted to announce that I have emailed Gary Chapman who wrote the book to tell him my genius, (I left out “freakin” in that email because he might think I wasn’t serious…), idea, and that I was hoping he could get them into stores ASAP. I did tell him how much I love love loved his book, and I thought that it should be a requirement in all states for marriage. It sounded really good… not stupid… I promise.

 So, I’ll let you know when you can get your bracelets… Hey, maybe I’ll even give you one as a present. 

The Proust Questionnaire

Marcel Proust, a Parisian writer in the late 1800’s, answered this list of questions once in 1886 and then again in 1890. Many celebrities from Brigitte Bardot to Tony Parker have filled it out over time. They are all included in the book “The Proust Questionnaire.” I have decided to fill it out myself here since they didn’t ask me to put mine in their book. Oh, and World… Consider yourself tagged… Please?

 

Your Chief Characteristic: Passionate, Creative, Extroverted

Your Favorite Qualities in a Man: Humility, Gentleness, Mercy, Strength

Your Favorite Qualities in a Woman: Honesty, Genuineness, Compassion

Your Favorite Qualities in Friends: Genuine, Accepting, Outgoing, Loyal

Your Biggest Flaw: I can be very fickle.

Your Favorite Occupation: Art, Event Planning, Sales

Your Idea of Happiness: Being Inspired

Your Idea of Misery: Hopeless and Lonely

If not yourself, who would you be? Oprah Winfrey

Here would you like to live: With my family – Below the Mason Dixon Line, of course

Your favourite color and flower: fuscia because it’s the fancy word for purple, and I love a flower that is a gift.

Your favorite prose authors: Francine Rivers, CS Lewis, Beth Moore

Your Favorite Poets: Shel Silverstein

Your Favorite heroes in fiction: Jack Baur, Neo (the Matrix), and Aslan (the Chronicles of Narnia)

Your Favorite Heroines in Fiction: Trinity (the Matrix)

Your Favorite Composers : Andrew Lloyd Webber

Your Favorite Painters: Gauguin, Picasso, Yvette Sturgis, Dali

Your Favorite Heros in Real Life: my dad, Jennifer Carr, Phil Hardin, Steve Cook

Your Favorite heroine in history:

Your favorite names: I know this sounds so narcissistic, but seriously, Lacey and Jane Bradley are my favorite names – I guess I’m a lucky girl

Your Pet Aversion: I have way too many, but towels not folded correctly and a dishwasher not loaded correctly are two.

What characters in history do you most dislike? people who play any color “race card” for no reason

The military deed you admire most: The men  who miss the births of their children because they are in active duty
The reform that you appreciate: TORT REFORM
What gift rom nature would you like to have: An angelic singing voice
How would you like to die? with a completed life list
What is your present state of mind? Eager
For what fault have you most toleration? Chronic lateness
Your Favorite Motto: The only way a relationship is going to change is if you change your response and the other person must adjust. Focusing only on changing others is futile.

You’re Back! How was your trip?

It was really fun, but you know, it really wasn’t exactly what I was expecting. Last time I was there, I was living there for a summer, and I had friends coming to visit all the time. I was carefree with no responsibilities except keeping myself in one piece and exploring my future aspirations. Let’s just say my life has made a few minor changes in the past five years. Nothing huge, just added a husband, a mortgage, some job experience, and a 10 month old.

Basically, I felt like I had aged 10 years in the past 1 year, and New York was for the young single people who would rather live it up than go to bed early (I’m totally embarrassed to say how appealing turning in early really is to me – so I won’t). It was sad to realize that I naively thought that I was going to take Brad with me back in time and show him this totally cool part of my life. New York has changed for me. Time Square has changed for everyone. Seriously, it looks completely different. There are these huge billboards covering the buildings now that weren’t like that before. I liked it the old way.

Don’t get me wrong – the break was refreshing. Brad and I explored the city like true Mississippi tourists. As we were coming up to the door of the Empire State Building, the men outside told us the price to go to the top was $25 apiece. I KNOW it wasn’t that high before. I blurted out – “We have to buy TICKETS?”… like a true southern belle idiot. The guy said to me in the same high pitch, “Yes, Darlin’, You have to buy TICKETS!!” I felt mocked and annoyed. Brad didn’t care $40’s worth, so we skipped the elevator ride.

Saturday was shopping day for me and conference day for Brad. It was great until my platform heel got caught in a pothole, and I fell down in the middle of the street. Immediately afterwards, this random guy, died out laughing like the villain in a Batman movie. Again, I was annoyed. I picked myself, my cute green babydoll dress, and gold platform sandals up, and I continued shopping. I really wanted to hit that guy with my purse, though.

All in all, it was a fun trip, but I think next time I get my 5 days out of the year to vacation, I believe you can find me on a beach with an umbrella… in my drink.